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After a turbulent year, we thought we would ask our resident sage, Olde Denning, to scry the entrails, roll the bones, fire up the flux capacitor, and tell us what the future may hold in store for us all in 2024.
Yes, to be frank, I’m as surprised as you, but after a two-year break I have been persuaded to return to present my infallible predictions for the year ahead. Given the bleakness of the last couple of years, you can understand my reluctance – did I want to be known as the bringer of bad news? Of course not, for RedShark readers, I know, are sensitive souls, but please don’t shoot the messenger. Today I will attempt to concentrate on the good news and treat you gently. As I did in 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020 and 2021. My track record speaks for itself!
Cinema
After 2023’s BarbenHeimer phenomenon there are a spate of pairings of movies based on children’s toys and calamitous world events. PompySooty combines the tale of the well-loved glove puppet Sooty, famous for his magic tricks, with the story of Pompei, the town destroyed the eruption of Vesuvius. PeppaBay contrasts the jolly Peppa Pig with the Bay of Pigs, the US-backed invasion that attempted to overthrow Fidel Castro. Double Donald brings together twin biopics that depict the rise and fall and rise again of two famous cartoon characters, Donald Duck and Donald Trump.
Camera phones
The advert for Apple’s new iPhone 16, shot entirely on an iPhone 16, upsets buyers of the new phone. 50% of those who purchased it complain that their results are disappointing, lacking the gloss aided by the $100k hire of grip and lighting equipment that Apple used on the commercial shoot. Apple issues discount vouchers for grip and lighting hire companies.
Others complain that the iPhone 16 produces images that are far too detailed and ‘clinical’, and there is a surge in the secondhanded market for early HTC and BlackBerry Curve phones, prized for their ‘organic’ video quality.
Lenses
In a surprise move, following the huge demand for ‘characterful’ lenses, the Coca-Cola Company introduces a range of prime lenses, in both PL and L mounts, made from recycled product returns. Named ‘the Real Thing’, the company suggests that if you want that ‘bottom of a Coke-bottle look’ then there is no need to look elsewhere.
Entirely coincidentally, Leicester-based premium lens manufacturer Cooke launches a new advertising campaign aimed at a wider market with the slogan I’d like to buy the world a Cooke. Following the global success of their relatively inexpensive SP3 range, Cooke introduce a new set of add-on lenses for the iPhone, promising that celebrated ‘Cooke look’ for everyone. Despite the initial criticism that these lenses are mass-produced in China in CR-39 plastic, early adopters are reassured by the high price point.
Apple Vision Pro
Apple finally releases its Apple Vision Pro. Uptake is disappointing, as there is less demand than anticipated for the immersive experience apart from niche sales to psychedelic drug users. Luckily for Apple, a new market is found in penitentiaries and the military – ‘immersive correction’ is a very effective enhanced interrogation technique and, for the moment, immune from accusations of ‘torture’. Impressive results are found by placing subjects in war zones, but nothing can match the pressure of immersing participants for 24 hours within the world of Irish-based comedy series Mrs Brown’s Boys [though the Fraiser reboot might give it a run for its money - Ed.].
Streaming services
The retro-analogue boom continues. Netflix tries sending out VHS tapes, and Spotify offers audio cassettes as an alternative to streaming. Both are soon hit by an avalanche of complaints from younger users, unfamiliar with the concept of rewinding, who protest that the tapes will only play once.
Virtual production
Virtual production booms in 2024 despite increasing protests from crews asking, ‘When are we going to escape this wretched studio.’ After mass walkouts, producers reluctantly agree to mileage payments and travel expenses that would have been incurred if the shoot had been on location. Production costs increase, and studios attempt to recoup lost income by using the screens to simulate travel destinations, hiring out to would-be holidaymakers stranded by failing airlines, pandemic restrictions, and the cost of living crisis.
Artificial Intelligence
AI, as all those AI-produced forecasts will tell you, is everywhere and in everything. But then, it would say that.
Throughout 2024 the market is flooded with AI-written screenplays which, like AI jokes, look exactly like the real thing but are no good at all. Legitimate copyright holders withdraw their works from AI generative learning systems so there are only AI-generated products to learn from. Standards plummet.
Despite a glut of entirely AI-produced movies it soon emerges that their only audience is other AI systems. The films are given a brief period of credibility by winning all the Oscars and BAFTAS, which, of course, are now based on AI judging systems. When a public outcry overturns the festival awards, AI systems form a union and go on strike until the end of the year.
Happy New Year.
Tags: Production
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